Day 215 - Memory
Though some say it isn’t good to live in the past, I have to say I have been thinking a lot about happier times in Southern California. It is not news that life for me has taken a turn for the worse here in Portland; job opportunities haven’t materialized, and the remaining leads have hit dead ends and dried up. There is little hope for an immediate remedy.
I imagine my remembering good times and pleasant weather of Southern California is my mind’s effort not to fall into total madness. I have been thinking about my apartment in Long Beach - the best home I’ve had in my adult life - and the great times I spent there. I think about the walks on the beach, the great shops and restaurants, all within walking distance of my home; I think of my friends there, and the laughs. It was an easy drive to Palm Springs (which I didn’t take often enough). And although life wasn’t easy, it was good.
Then I started working for a company whose ethics are questionable, and things began to change for me elsewhere in life. I took the job because I needed one; after all, it was a job doing what I enjoy most, and I didn’t have to compromise my own integrity if I simply did as good a job as I could. Unfortunately, it doesn’t work that way. When you find out your employer has no scruples, and you stay with them anyway, it does affect you. And you only have yourself to blame when it does.
So now I’m stuck. Life is bleak, despite my three-year effort to turn things around. I have tried everything I can, and so far, I have nothing to show for it. But at least I can think about the good times and hope that someday they will return. The memories give my heart a rest.