Thursday, December 22, 2011

A Year of Gratitude - Day One Hundred Eighty-seven

Day 187 - Doors
I was driving home this afternoon from running an errand, and as I passed the building where I go to a weekly job seekers networking meeting, the thought crossed my mind, “Why can’t I get a job?”  It is a recurring question - repeating itself for nearly three years now - for which I cannot yet find an answer.  I am baffled.  I often wonder if there is some critical feedback I haven’t been given, as if people are trying to save my feelings by not telling me something I ought to know.  I just don’t get it.
Shortly after I returned home, I received a phone call from my friend in Bellevue, WA who interviewed me a couple weeks ago for his Director of Catering opening.  He called me to ask whether the other hotel had offered me anything (“No, they chose someone else”), and to say I’m still their leading candidate, but that they are interviewing for more than one position and it has been hectic - they haven’t been able to move on it as quickly as they’d like.
I was delighted to hear this.  Setting aside the imperfection of the opportunity, it felt good to think that I may be employed again; that I might have my own home again after three years of living in someone else’s.  I try not to think about the goals I’d be giving up - or at least postponing - and keep my focus on what feels good.  The fact is I need a job.  I want to continue consulting, but either I’m doing it all wrong, or it just isn’t the right time, because I’m not making any progress there.  I need to move in the direction of the door that is opening to me.

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