A Year of Gratitude - Day Sixty-three

Day 63 - Talkers

Twice this week, I’ve spent time with someone that doesn’t allow me to get a word in.  Sure, it bugs me at times (especially when I’m not able to make a point that I felt was germane to the topic), but I remembered something important:

I asked for it.

Some time ago, I identified a certain habit that I wanted to change about myself, namely that I talk too much.  I want to listen more.  I try to practice listening, and when I find myself talking too much, I try to ask a question to take the subject back to the other person.  Am I good at it yet?  Probably not.  But I keep trying.

The universe brings us what we ask for.  

I have met a couple of sweet, funny, intelligent people over the past few weeks who, when we get together, talk a lot.  They both interrupt me, talking over me, seemingly oblivious to the idea they’ve just prevented me from finishing a sentence again.  ...Or are they just doing what I do back to me?  Honestly, I don’t know.  But I’m learning to listen.

I am getting less annoyed by the interruptions, too, the more I practice.  I don’t like the fact that I talk too much, or interrupt people, or finish their sentences for them.  I am embarrassed when I catch myself doing it.  I want this growth.

How odd to find myself in this situation.  I hope I learn well from it.

A Year of Gratitude - Day Sixty-two

Day 62 - The Week’s End

This was a challenging week for me.  I’m glad it’s over.

Not that I get a break from my job (of looking for work) - that will continue daily.  But it’s the end of a standard period of time - Monday though Friday - and now I get to start a new one next Monday.  The new week may be amazing.  It doesn’t have to be like the one that just ended.

We get to choose our attitude.  Sure.  Sometimes it chooses us, and you know what?  That’s OK, sometimes.

I read a poem on a coffee shop chalkboard a couple weeks ago by Rumi, a 13th century Persian poet, jurist, theologian, and Sufi mystic.  The poem was entitled, “Guest House.”

Guest House

This being human is a guest house

Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness

some momentary awareness comes

as an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all!

Even if they are a crowd of sorrows, 

who violently sweep your house

empty of its furniture, 

still treat each guest honorably.

He may be clearing you out for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice,

meet them at the door laughing, 

and invite them in.

Be grateful for whoever comes,

because each has been sent

as a guide from beyond.

I am not yet very adept at meeting them at the door laughing, but I’m trying.  I’m grateful that this week is over, and I can start anew.

A Year of Gratitude - Day Sixty-one

Day 61 - Being Supportive

In prior blog entries, I’ve discussed my gratitude for the various kinds of support I receive from friends, from my mom, from colleagues, etc.  This time, I want to say how happy I am when I am offered the opportunity to be supportive of others.

I had a wonderful phone call from a coaching client who told me of a successful interview; he has been out of a real job for five years, and today he was offered a real job.  It’s not a “bridge” job - as a cashier at Home Depot - it’s a job that uses his skills and abilities beyond scanning a UPC code and handing out change.  It’s a job he’s excited to do.  He thanked me for the help I had given him in the form of Interviewing Skills training.  What he may not realize is how much I gained by serving him.

I also had the opportunity to talk to an HR professional about a company that needs some help; I will be able to pass this information along to a consulting colleague in an attempt to support him and his business.  It’s possible that, sometime down the road, he may come to me with something, to reciprocate, but the idea that I might be able to help someone else at least gives me the satisfaction of making something good happen.

Then I had a chance to talk to my youngest daughter, Catherine.  What a joy.  She has her struggles - burdens placed on her by toxic, abusive people - and to see her push through and thrive now that she’s in a healthy environment is delightful.  Her therapist told me that my support during the past few phone conversations has really helped her a lot.  He couldn’t have made me happier if he told me I won the lottery.  ...OK, bad analogy, but you understand....

My friends, fellow job seekers, family, colleagues, clients... they do so much for me just by allowing me to support them.  I am grateful.

A Year of Gratitude - Day Sixty

Day 60 - Contrast

I’ve been at this blog for nearly three months.  It doesn’t feel like it.  I thought after 30 days, a new practice becomes habit.  While this blog as been easier at times, and my attitude has certainly been very positive periodically over the past three months, it feels like it’s getting harder with time, not easier.  I’ll be interested to see how the next breakthrough comes.

It didn’t happen on “Day 60.”

I had two meetings - the first was lunch with a hypnotherapist I met recently, and the other was to introduce a couple of people over coffee to expand their personal networks.  Both meetings were very pleasant and offered interesting potential.

The balance of the day was sort of like the day before - Eeyore’s cloud came back.

I’m reminded of the Abraham-Hicks quotes I receive via email every morning, and some talk about “contrast” - you have to experience what you don’t want in order to identify what you do want.  This must be one of those weeks - where the things I do want aren’t present.  So I am taking a long, hard look at what I don’t want - not to dwell on them so much as to learn from them.  

I have to be grateful for the contrast, so that I can be clearer in my intentions about what I want in my life.

A Year of Gratitude - Day Fifty-nine

Day 59 - Slogging Through Emotional Mud

Wow... what a long day.  It didn’t feel like a summer day.

The weather was fine - maybe a little cool for an August day, but that’s not unusual anymore (the last two Augusts have been unusual here in Portland).  My energy, however, was really low, as was my mood.  It felt as if I were trudging through an enormous field of mud, and it took all day to get across.

It started out with an emotional cloud over my head, sort of like what you’d see over Eeyore.  I had no energy.  It was a struggle to get to the gym, and even more to practice any sort of patience with the drivers ahead of me on the road.

I had a late morning coffee meeting with a very well-connected woman from one of my networking groups, and she gave me four people to contact in my networking efforts.  She’s a delightful woman, and I enjoyed our time together.

Then I had lunch at Chino Sai-Gon (NE Broadway at 9th, who makes the best chicken coconut soup you’ve ever had while offering the worst service) with an energetic colleague I know through PABA.  Sharon has more energy that PGE, and it was a wonderful conversation.

As the day progressed from there, though, I felt as if I were a leaky balloon.  That which was keeping me “up” was leaving me.  Quickly.  I felt exhausted - physically and emotionally - just as I had in the morning.

I wonder if I would have even left my bedroom if it weren’t for these meetings to entice me.  

By the end of the day, all I wanted was the end of the day.  What I realize is that slogging through the emotional mud has been a workout, and working out makes me stronger.  OK, so maybe there’s the kernel I needed to find some gratitude.  Please let this day make me stronger.

A Year of Gratitude - Day Fifty-eight

Day 58 - New Old Friends

I had an interesting day.  Emotionally, I wasn’t really ready for the day, but I did have a few bright spots as the hours passed.  

One came at a networking lunch, when one of my networking acquaintances agreed to schedule a meeting.  I’m not sure if it will bring me any business, but it felt good to be asked.

I had coffee with another job seeker before our weekly Monday afternoon networking meeting.  He has been unemployed for some time, and he and his wife are currently living with his mother.  We shared a few stories, and I’m so impressed with his energy - this is a quality man, and I feel fortunate to have him on my side.  

The day ended with a delightful dinner with someone I feel I already know, but hadn’t met in person.  We were introduced “virtually” by a dear friend in Long Beach back in late 2008, and we have played Scrabble via Facebook ever since.  We have shared various frustrations, joys and “down” times over the past few years, so when I met him in his hotel lobby, it felt as easy and natural as any other friendship I’ve enjoyed.  I was so happy to transform this virtual friendship into a “real” one.

It’s nice to spend time with genuine people.  People with integrity - there just aren’t enough of them these days.  And even if we’re new friends, it feels like I’ve known them for years.

A Year of Gratitude - Day Fifty-seven

Day 57 - PTO

Sunday was a “me day.”  I took some Personal Time Off.  I needed a break.

Actually, I need a vacation - I haven’t taken a significant amount of time to recharge in a year or more.  But since travel and leisure aren’t in the cards for this month, I made the most of a few hours to enjoy the outdoors during some wonderful weather.  It was what I needed in the moment.  

I did meet a couple that I hope to run into sometime again - they told me they go to “beer bust” on Sunday afternoons at one of the bars in North Portland, and I hope to have a chance to meet up with them there at some point.  There will undoubtedly be others there who are equally interesting.  We’ll see.  But more importantly, I need to make an effort to delve further into the social aspects of Portland, and make my “me time” more connected.

It wasn’t much, but it was nice.