A Year of Gratitude - Day Two Hundred Thirty-one

Day 231 - Practice

I spent most of the day doing laundry today.  When it was done, I went back to Aquila to pick up the implosions I did yesterday.  It wasn’t that busy at the school, and I had a great conversation with Scott.  I even took an hour to make a few more implosions.

I’m really pleased with the way these are going.  As I said yesterday, I’m not great yet - I am sort of a one-trick pony, so far - but I’m excited about getting better at it.  (I have decided I really need to get prescription lampwork safety glasses.)  I’m grateful to have the chance to keep practicing.

A Year of Gratitude - Day Two Hundred Thirty

Day 230 - Busy Saturdays

Sometimes the weekend is best spent lounging, reading, and otherwise being lazy.  This was not one of those Saturdays.  Today, I was glad to be busy.

I haven’t been as diligent about my workouts as I should be, so I decided not to take the day off, and went again today.  I had a productive hour there, and was happy for it.  I spent the bulk of the day afterward at Aquila Glass School, working on a business development project, and then sat at the torch for awhile to practice my implosions.  I’m not that good at it yet, but I’m getting better.  I’m thinking maybe the word “artist” isn’t such a stretch....  Soon, though, I’m actually going to have to ask someone to teach me what I’m doing.

I am grateful to have activities that help me to keep my mind focused.

A Year of Gratitude - Day Two Hundred Twenty-nine

Day 229 - Time With Friends

Sometimes a few hours with friends is exactly what I need.

I shared happy hour with my friend (and fellow job seeker) Linda and her parter Judith, and had an absolutely delightful evening.  (I probably talked too much, but I had them laughing, so I figured it was OK under the circumstances.)

Afterward, I spent a couple hours with friends Vernon and Kenny - wonderful people - and I look forward to getting together with them again.

The evening was relaxed, without judgement or concern; it was the first evening of feeling “normal” since I returned home from Victoria.  Thanks to these four great friends.

A Year of Gratitude - Day Two Hundred Twenty-eight

Day 228 - Intertia

I chose the word “inertia” because I felt as if the force behind today’s activities was outside my effort; I tried to stay out of the way, and let things take me forward rather than pushing them.  

When I looked the word up in the dictionary (to confirm that I am using it correctly), it seemed that the customary meaning was more commonly the negative: “An object at rest stays at rest...” and the synonyms included “sloth,” “laziness,” and the like.  

However, Newton’s first law of motion states, “An object at rest stays at rest and an object in motion stays in motion with the same speed and in the same direction unless acted upon by an unbalanced force.”  The events of today seemed to carry me on, and I tried not to be the “unbalanced force.”

It was a long and relatively busy day: lunch with a friend, some contract work for a client, and most importantly, a phone interview for a job I think I could really enjoy.  I try not to get my hopes up anymore (and so far, so good).  Still....

It felt good to allow the inertia - the force of today’s motion - that brought me quietly to the end of the day.

A Year of Gratitude - Day Two Hundred Twenty-seven

Day 227 - Encouragement

While it could have been worse, today was not a good day.  

I didn’t have much on the docket; fortunately, what I did have to do earned me a little money.  A former client hired me to mediate a situation in their office, and they’ll pay full rate for the short amount of time I’ll need to investigate and offer a solution.  The amount I will earn should cover the cost of the new brakes I need on my car.

I wasn’t able to do the work at the glass studio I wanted to do due to my own absent-mindedness when I left home, leaving critical equipment at home.  

I then was given some bad news (that I don’t feel comfortable sharing at this time) that may affect my near future in critical terms.  It has caused me a great deal of anxiety.  I saw it coming, eventually; I just thought I’d have a little more time.  It has definitely placed the guillotine squarely over my head, and the clock is ticking.

Through it all, the two good friends who have been encouraging me to keep going were there for me last night.  They couldn’t offer solutions, but that wasn’t what I was looking to them to do.  Instead, they validated what I was feeling and helped me stay calm.  Their consistent empathy and understanding is an enormous help.

On a positive swing of the pendulum, I received a phone call from a friend about a job that just opened in the past few days, and he put me in touch with the hiring manager.  I don’t know much about it yet, but I’ve sent my resume in the hopes of landing an interview.  We’ll see.  

In the meantime, I have a lunch tomorrow with a networking acquaintance about a referral for a well-paying job (that may be a little outside my normal scope), and then a phone interview for a job in Seattle later in the afternoon.  Wish me luck.

A Year of Gratitude - Day Two Hundred Twenty-six

Day 226 - Empathy

Today was a melancholy day.  

It started out well.  I made it to the King Street Station in Seattle without fuss - the bus came after a short wait, and dropped me off a block from my destination.  Not bad.

I think it took me 30 minutes from the moment I walked into the station to boarding the train - it was a relative breeze, compared to air travel and the long lines everywhere.  I love the train - it’s roomy, easy, comfortable... and while it may take me a lot longer to get where I’m going, I’m not frazzled and queazy.

What I wasn’t expecting was the sense of dread.  The closer I got to Portland, the more depressed I felt.  It didn’t have anything to do with Portland, but rather the return to the existence I’ve been dealing with for the past three years; as a close friend said, “it’s like voluntarily walking back into the cage.”  I don’t feel trapped by the city, but by my current circumstances.  Try as I might, I can’t seem to break out.

Two friends have shown an undying empathy; they understand what I’m coping with (one has been through it; the other is a mental health professional who has the empathy thing down pat).  I don’t think I’d be around except for friends like these.  

Thank you both for your concern and compassion.

A Year of Gratitude - Day Two Hundred Twenty-five

Day 225 - Smooth Sailing

Today was a calm day - the weather, and my emotions - and that’s a good thing.  I didn’t want to leave Victoria.  I had a nice visit with Ignacio; it felt comfortable being there.  I could be “normal” again, for awhile, not an unemployed cypher.  Ignacio has been through much of what I am currently experiencing, and is one of only a few people I don’t feel is judging me poorly.  I felt safe there.

The ferry passage back to Seattle was pleasant, too.  The seas were smooth as glass.  I only took one Meclizine tablet (a non-drowsy motion sickness medicine - why didn’t I know about this stuff sooner?), and I probably didn’t need that.

I made my way to the bus stop I had located on the map, though I was unsure about it.  The sign said Bus 28 came to this stop, but it was an express?  Something felt wrong, so I looked at the map again, and realized I was a couple blocks north of where I should be.  Just as I was approaching the correct stop, my bus passed.  Next one in 30 minutes.

That was really the only hiccup in an otherwise uneventful day.  It’s nice to have days where things go right.