A Year of Gratitude - Day Seventy-nine

Day 79 - Mentors

I’ve written before about the power of friendships, and the importance friends have in my life.  Today, I am particularly grateful to have reconnected with my very first mentor.

We hear all the time how important it is to tell the people you love that you love them.  A number of years ago, after reading a book that described the efforts and sacrifices a father made for his family, I took that opportunity to write to my father to let him know not only that I loved him, and how much, but to acknowledge all the sacrifices and efforts he made for me, for my mom, and for my brothers, and to describe for him how and why he was my hero.

Mom told me later how he read and re-read my letter, taking notes, preparing his response.  Unfortunately, he didn’t live long enough to write me back.  But that was OK - I knew he knew how I felt, and that was enough.  (Later, while going through old papers, Mom found his notes and sent them to me.  In the response that he was preparing, he turned it around and made it a tribute to my mom.  He loved her very much.)

One week ago, I made contact with my first mentor, Joe Hauseman, my fifth grade teacher.  In all my years of school, including university, no one impacted my life more than he.  I learned more from him about life, relationships, joy, truth, and responsibility over that one school year than I learned from any other single person I've ever known.  His joy for life and his determination to live it fully - and to have fun - has stuck with me ever since.  Joe Hauseman was more than just an elementary school teacher.  He was a true mentor.  I have admired this man for 39 years, and I finally had the chance to tell him.

We met in person today.  And thank God he hasn’t changed.  

We talked, and laughed, for two hours.  At times, I think other patrons at the Starbucks where we met must have thought we were nuts.  That’s ok.  I wouldn’t have traded this two hours for any amount of money.  We reminisced, laughing about how Janine used to torment me mercilessly (we’re now good friends).  We spoke of Robin, who apparently died in some kind of accident years ago.  Other names popped up - some I haven’t heard since we all graduated from high school so many years ago.  It was a lovely trip down that familiar “Memory Lane,” and worth every step.

We’ve agreed to meet again.  He is retired now, and he has an idea that he thinks might have potential for a joint effort between us.  I’m game - I’d work with this man in a heartbeat.  A month ago, I couldn’t have dreamed I’d have another opportunity to learn from Mr. Hauseman (“Joe!  It’s Joe.  We’re long past ‘Mr. Hauseman’”).  Today my glass isn’t half full, it’s overflowing.

A Year of Gratitude - Day Seventy-eight

Day 78 - Getting Out

Day 78 was stellar, except for the fact that my aerosol sunscreen’s propellant ran out long before the sunscreen, resulting in the most bizarre sunburn I’ve ever had.  I swear you’d think I was diseased by looking at my back.  ...OK, let’s not go there.

It was an otherwise perfect day: warm, sunny, not too hot, with a gentle breeze, and accompanied by good friends.  I had planned to leave earlier than I did - I was enjoying my time there way too much to go.  And I met a new friend, too, late in the day, so I was glad I stayed.  I still got my chores done at home afterward, so it wasn’t time wasted.

Friends ask me if I’m getting out of the house; they are afraid I’m becoming a hermit after being unemployed so long - as one friend put it, “Just want to make sure your not turning into one of those Momma’s Boys that sits home and knits in front of the TV.”  The fact is I’ve never been busier in my life.  I need a job just to get a break!

However, there is a kernel of truth in his concern.  While I’m getting out of the house every day networking like crazy, I haven’t done as much socializing - the type where it’s ONLY social.  It’s tough when you don’t have an income to support it.  I didn’t go to a “leather” event at the Eagle last night, even though I’ve had it on my calendar for three weeks.  I have passed up dinners and/or shows with friends.  Even the trip out to the river costs money in gasoline, and I pack very little food - usually only a few things I have on hand.  I often don’t feel like socializing, even though I know I’ll feel better if I do.

Like today.

I was so glad my friend Scott asked me to join them.  Getting out, meeting people, and having fun is crucial to one’s well being, income or not. 

A Year of Gratitude - Day Seventy-seven

Day 77 - Reminiscing

Today was lovely - perfect weather, spending some time with good friends, and looking at cars dating back to my childhood and beyond made for a wonderful day.

I joined a group of friends - a contingent of The Boys, as I call them - at “Cars In the Park” at the Portland Art Museum; today was Mopar day - Chrysler products.  I took nearly 60 pictures with my iPhone and posted many of them on Facebook.  It was great to see these old cars, most of them from an era when cars had style.  (Chrysler hasn’t been my favorite automaker in terms of design, but to see them brought back a lot of memories.)

It took me back to a time when life was simpler.  We were young and care free, as children should be.  We took the style of the day for granted.  It was all we knew.  Now, after decades of boxes on wheels and a focus on economy over flair, we see these huge fins and tons of steel and chrome and wish we could go back to the days of 35 cent gasoline.  And innocence.

The trick isn’t to find a way to live in the past.  It is to bring what was good and right from our memories and recreate it in modern form.  Maybe owning a classic car can help with that; simply going to the car show is enough.  Let’s live in the present, remembering what feels good, and focusing on what still feels good... like spending time with good friends, just like we did when we were young and care free.

A Year of Gratitude - Day Seventy-six

Day 76 - Accountability

Accountability isn’t something we often think of when discussing gratitude.  

I believe most people think of accountability as being held responsible for something we didn’t do on time, or at all, or did wrong, and now we’re in trouble.  Or better, someone else is.

I promised to have something done by Sunday, and I completed it today.  I was afraid to let my colleagues down by missing the deadline, so I acted on it as soon as I had time.  For a procrastinator like me, that’s an accomplishment.

What struck me was that, although my initial efforts were motivated in part by fear of failure or disappointment, it wasn’t the dominant motivator.  And better than that, the sense of accomplishment that came with completing the task felt wonderful.  I could have avoided making the commitment in the first place, circumventing the accountability altogether.  Instead, by pushing myself to get it done on time (or early) I achieved a success - small as it may be - that made me feel good.  

I need to feel good.

Now, on to my next success.  So far, so good. 

A Year of Gratitude - Day Seventy-five

Day 75 - Confidence

Yesterday, I was told my confidence may work against me.  Today, I had a different experience altogether.

I met with the president of a consulting firm in Vancouver, WA and had a wonderful conversation.  He had found me on LinkedIn, indicating we were friends.  I didn’t know him, so I wrote back, asking if we had met.  When he responded, saying he had noticed that we did the same sort of work and both graduated from the same university, I replied with “Great news!  I thought we had met before and I had somehow forgotten you.”

It was a natural conversation.  We talked about all sorts of things - history, family, education, work experience, professional philosophies - and there seemed to be a natural fit.  By the end, he was telling me about how he brings consultants into his practice, and offered to have me sit in on any or all of the workshops they offer.  The first one on the calendar is scheduled for the end of September.  I told him of course I’ll be interested in attending.

As soon as I got home, I sent a Thank You email and then put a card in the mail.  I was feeling very hopeful this could grow into something really good.

Later this evening, as I was preparing to meet a friend for dinner, I started to second-guess myself.  I wondered if I had asked enough questions; I realized I didn’t do a proper needs assessment - asking him what his needs are and what a successful collaboration looks like, etc., although we did discuss some of these things.  I thought about how I could have approached the conversation as if I were already working for him (or for a client) instead of chatting with a colleague.  Was that the right thing to do?

Tonight, I received a response from my email: “The feeling is mutual. I look forward to more discussions and collaborations.”  

Hmmm... Maybe some people like the idea that I “have [my] act together.”  Maybe confidence doesn’t work against me after all.  We’ll see.

A Year of Gratitude - Day Seventy-four

Day 74 - Pauses

I had an interesting day.  It began with a delightful conversation with my daughter, Catherine.  She is an amazing young woman who has been through a lot - more than a 17-year-old should have to experience - and who is blossoming into a wise young woman.  I have worried about her over the years, especially in the last 18 months, but I now know I needn’t worry further.  Though she has down days - even weeks - where she struggles, this girl “gets it.”  She has opportunities to stumble, pause, get back up, and get back into it.  I cannot express in words how proud I am of her and the progress she is making as a young adult.

I then met another HR professional over coffee whose professional experience has paralleled mine.  To meet someone else who understands exactly what I am feeling is wonderful.  I don’t think this was a situation of “misery loves company” - it felt more like “power in numbers.”  I want to start a business and include this guy.

Then I met with the two gentlemen who had contacted me after the newspaper story, who wanted to talk to me to see how they could help.  They both are well known in HR circles in the Portland area, and to tap into their networks could be valuable.  

They asked me a lot of questions, and eventually offered advice.  One told me that my high energy and confidence may be working against me - it appears that I have my act together - and if I have my act together, others may not be able to figure out how to help me.  When I asked him what I could do differently, he told me to be more humble, and more vulnerable.  When I asked him how he would suggest I show humility and vulnerability, he didn’t really answer the question.

The other gave me one piece of more concrete advice - to change my resume to show my consulting as covering a shorter period, so that the resume is balanced heavier on full-time employment, since that is something I am seeking.  OK, I suppose if anyone goes to my website to read that my consulting started in 1997, I don’t have to put that on my resume.  Fair enough.  

He also asked me if I want to stay in Training as far as my future employment is concerned.  I said yes, especially focusing on service leadership and cultural development, but that I’m certainly capable of doing more.  He then asked me if I wanted to stay in Training.

Ummm...

I walked away from this meeting feeling confused, and a little down.  If I couldn’t convey my message to these two, am I conveying it successfully to anyone?

I went to a dinner party held by some dear friends, Blaine and Dan, in Camas, Washington and felt the comfort of being around some wonderfully positive people.  I was a little out of sorts - I didn’t feel as “engaged” as I normally am with this group - but if they noticed, they didn’t let on.  It was nice to spend an evening where I didn’t have to be “on.”  

And it reminded me that I can pause a moment, take a breath, and just “be.”  Thank you, Boys, for letting me pause.

A Year of Gratitude - Day Seventy-three

Day 73 - Familiars

No, I’m not talking about witches, witchcraft, or anything that Christine O’Donnell may or may not espouse.  I’m referring to the moment when, as you’re talking to someone you’ve just met, they seem familiar to you, as if you’ve known them for much longer than four minutes.

I was originally going to headline this entry as “familiar spirits” but I had a meeting that went beyond the personality.  I met with a woman who looked familiar, too.  I know we have never met; though we grew up within a few miles of one another, she is four years behind me in age - we would never have met even if we had attended the same schools.  Our interests overlapped only slightly.  We would have had little in common back then.

Yet now we are both HR people, and in a similar quandary of looking for full-time work.  Her resume shouts her talent - it is obvious that she is clearly very capable on several levels.

As we chatted over coffee, I had the feeling I must have known this woman from somewhere, but I realized how she reminded me of others in my past - physically, vocally, emotionally.  It made me feel as if I were connected to her, though indirectly.  We were in sync - our paths parallel - though the roads we had taken had different names.

Eventually it occurred to me that we are ALL connected indirectly.  Even those who are wildly successful are connected to me, and I to them, albeit in ways many of us cannot possibly feel or explain in typical terms.  I’ve been talking a lot this week with friends and colleagues about following our intuition.  Maybe this interconnectivity is something to explore more.

At the end of the day (and after a wonderful dinner and conversation with dear friends Will and Robert), I felt the peace of being connected with those who understand and support me, and those in my shoes, as well as those who simply put positive energy out there for me to feel through the web we call humanity.  Let’s all be grateful for those whose vibrations in the universe resonate toward joy.