A Year of Gratitude - Day Two Hundred Thirty-eight

Day 238 - Good Weather

Today was a good day to be driving: the sun was shining, the roads were dry and in good shape, and while I was a bit disappointed to see so many people on the road on Superbowl Sunday, I didn’t come up on a great amount of traffic along the way.

I drove up to Seattle again for an interview at a hotel in the South Lake Union area.  The director who didn’t hire me in Bellevue put me in touch with the GM of this property, who in turn asked for my resume; we had a couple of brief, but positive conversations.  He asked me to drive up on Sunday so that I could interview with him and his boss, the VP of Operations, first thing Monday morning.  Of course I told him I’d be delighted.

I left Portland right after lunch, and had an easy drive up.  I found the hotel easily - it’s right next to the Seattle Center, and that happens to be a neighborhood I know well enough to get around.  Ryan at the front desk put me into a nicer room than I had originally been assigned - “with a view of the Space Needle” - and it all felt good so far.  (The view wasn’t a direct one of the Space Needle, but I could see it if I stood just so....)

The GM told me their renovation had been completed several months ago, and it all looked fresh and very new.  I was impressed.  I opted not to order food from their menu, though (I thought it was a little pricey for my budget), so I walked a block to the QVC and got some deli salads that ended up being delicious and cost less than $6.  Score!

It was a pleasant day, albeit rather boring.  I am excited for the morning.

A Year of Gratitude - Day Two Hundred Thirty-seven

Day 237 - Artistic Progress

A couple years ago, I told someone I thought was a good friend that I wanted to be a glass artist.  It seemed something of a stretch at the time - I had no experience with glass to speak of, and I am not nearly as creative as some of the people whose work I have seen, but I meant it.  Later, when we had a falling out and he called me a coward, I had little confidence in my abilities.  As I learned how much coordination, skill, and originality goes into glass work, I decided to make this my hobby, not my career.

After a time at the torch today, I felt perhaps, if we were still in touch, I might surprise him with my glass work.  Sure, I’m no where near what I would consider “skilled.”  I am, for the moment, a one trick pony when it comes to lampwork and implosions.  Still, I think he would be surprised.

I left the studio feeling as if I had accomplished something good.  I like that feeling.  It lasted most of the evening.

A Year of Gratitude - Day Two Hundred Thirty-six

Day 236 - It Isn’t Personal

I got stood up tonight.

I have been playing message tag with a friend for some time now.  We have tried to schedule something - getting together and catching up - but always seem to catch the other’s voicemail.  Fortunately we were able to get something on the calendar, and I had been looking forward to it.

I got to the restaurant about five minutes early.  I went inside and got us a booth about five minutes after the hour.  Over the next ten minutes, I thought perhaps I had made a mistake; I got all worked up over the idea that maybe we were supposed to get together the night before, and I had stood him up.  Finally, I listened to the last voicemail message where he was confirming Friday night.  But he was now 30 minutes late, and that’s unusual for him.  He’s a realtor, and is never late.

At 45 minutes past the time we were supposed to meet, I left the restaurant.  The server had been very gracious, allowing me a minimum of embarrassment.  The restaurant wasn’t busy, so I was only observed by a few seemingly empathetic customers.

I later got a message from him that he had worked late and didn’t have his phone with him.  I told him I figured something like that had happened, and that we could get together another time.  I wasn’t bitter or angry, and apart from the momentary embarrassment of sitting alone at the table for 40 minutes, I wasn’t bothered at all (though I was really hungry when I got home).  I was surprised that I didn’t take it personally.  I almost didn’t even care.

Odd how things change as you grow up....

A Year of Gratitude - Day Two Hundred Thirty-five

Day 235 - Invitations

Today was a pretty good day.  I facilitated an employee relations meeting in the afternoon - my client asked me to mediate an issue happening in their office, and I was able to give all of the participants feedback that will (hopefully) help them to get along better, and more to the point, communicate effectively.  I was pleased that it went well.

In the evening, dear friends Scott and Harold invited me to dinner and a movie.  I can’t tell you how much this simple act of generosity touched me.  Not only was I treated to a wonderful meal at Pastini Pastaria (during which I talked way too much) and a phenomenal movie at the Century 16 theaters (“The Iron Lady”), I was made to feel... well... I don’t like this word for personal reasons, but it’s the only one I can think of that adequately describes what I felt:

Worthy.

Something only the long-term unemployed can understand is what happens to you when you cannot find suitable work despite being willing and able.  (I’m going to set aside for now the different conversation about “survival” and “bridge” jobs.)  I don’t feel as if dinner and a movie is a wise way to spend my money right now, and I loathe asking my friends how much things cost or to tell them I can’t come to an event because I can’t afford the price of admission.  I feel cheap doing so.

It has been too long since I’ve felt the freedom of choice that comes from making my own living.  It’s humiliating to be unsuccessful for three years at finding work.  It’s dehumanizing.  The judgment you feel from everyone around you eventually becomes oppressive.  (Sometimes they tell you everything is fine, but will later say something else that betrays the platitudes; sometimes you find out what they have said behind your back from others just trying to help.)  I can tell myself they aren’t really judging me - it is only my own projection based on my feelings of frustration.  I wish that were true.

Tonight, on the other hand, I didn’t feel judged.  I felt accepted - just as I am, with all my faults - that it was OK to talk too much - and that I was among true friends.  Another few hours of feeling normal.  

It is interesting what you appreciate once you lose it.

Thank you, Scott and Harold.  You mean the world to me.

A Year of Gratitude - Day Two Hundred Thirty-four

Day 234 - Good People

I had an “informational interview” today over coffee.  I would normally have called it a “networking coffee meeting,” but this young woman gave me more information than I could have expected.

Lisa is a Epic trainer at Kaiser - a company (and system) into whose training department I have tried to network for years.  Via my networking friend Marsha, Lisa agreed to meet me at Dragonfly Coffee House in NW Portland - a cafe so popular we had to sit outside because there wasn’t a single available table, or even two seats together.  I was grateful for the sunshine on my back.

Lisa is strikingly pretty - she has the most beautiful hazel eyes I have ever seen.  She is smart, articulate, and has a quick smile - I imagine she has fun in the classroom despite complex training issues.  There was little doubt in my mind why she has succeeded in her career.  She gave me a lot of useful information, including the counsel that if I am told I didn’t get the job because I lack healthcare experience, I shouldn’t believe it.  It is an excuse.  Half of the training department did not come from the healthcare field.  

At the end of our conversation, she agreed to help me get my resume noticed if I ever apply for an open position.  Kaiser just announced a hiring freeze, so it may be awhile, but she was gracious and generous in her offer.

While I don’t expect this meeting to lead me anywhere in the short term, it is gratifying to know there are still good people out there willing and ready to help people like me.  It brightened my week.

A Year of Gratitude - Day Two Hundred Thirty-three

Day 233 - Commitments

It’s a good thing I’ve committed to things that get me out of the house - moderating the Breakfast Club, attending networking meetings - or sometimes I am afraid I would close my bedroom door and never venture out.  I enjoy these meetings.  They add a sense of purpose to life (albeit in limited ways).  I think I’d go crazy without them.

On the other hand, I am glad to have the time to close my door and just be by myself.  I suppose my present circumstances are better than if I were in a homeless shelter - I would never be able to close any door.  I am grateful for what I have.

A Year of Gratitude - Day Two Hundred Thirty-two

Day 232 - New Positives

I had a positive experience today (I certainly needed one).  I had the chance to present an interviewing skills topic at the Worksource Oregon Job Club this morning, and it went really well.  It is moments like this that remind me, once again, why I do what I do.  I love this work.  I just wish I could make a living at it.

And my afternoon networking meeting was good, too - I got a couple of networking referrals, for which I was grateful.  I heard back from one of them this evening - nothing definite yet, but at least we’ve connected on LinkedIn.

Even though I don’t feel as if my career has benefited immediately, I felt as if today’s small positive moments have helped me (emotionally).  I keep on keeping on.