A Year of Gratitude - Day Seventy-one

Day 71 - Knowing Myself

I went to an ice cream social today, and met a whole bunch of really nice people.  I went with a friend who introduced me, and I felt welcomed enough to know that if I go again by myself, I’ll be fully included.  What a joy that is.

I had a conversation about following my intuition; I have found that when my “inside voice” tells me something isn’t right, and I try to make it work anyway, it never does.  (I often wish it would tell me when something was right....)  I am learning to listen, and to honor what I feel.

The family dynamics that have caused me quite a bit of angst in the past have settled down a lot (with only a momentary flare-up, which didn’t last long).  I have been able to express my feelings openly, honestly, and respectfully, without engaging in dysfunctional arguments.  I honor my feelings, protect them when I have to, and respect myself well enough to put some distance between me and the drama.

I have gone out with a few people lately, all with an eye toward dating again.  I have felt a certain willingness to put myself out there - after all, it has been over a year since my last relationship went south (as in “crashing into Antarctica”), and I am comfortable with who I am these days.  I like me.

So far, none of the people I’ve gone out with are the right “fit.”  One is in the process of divorce - never a good place for dating; two of them talk over me constantly, never allowing me to finish a sentence, much less a thought.  One lives out of state and only visits occasionally (though I suppose if he lived in the area, that might have some potential).  The others... well, we never made it to a second date.

As I ponder the various thoughts that come from these experiences, I come back to the idea that maybe I’m not ready for a relationship.  Not yet.  I like the idea of “dating myself” - doing things that make me happy, and not having to share the experience to get everything out of it that it can offer me.  I know myself well.  I am happy just being me, and I deserve to be happy.