A Year of Gratitude - Day One Hundred Sixty-nine

Day 169 - Practicing Assertiveness

I was presented with the opportunity to practice being assertive today.  I have an acquaintance who seems to enjoy being in charge of things, especially when he has been previously tasked with managing them; he has a very hard time letting go when his duties have concluded and the responsibility has been passed to someone else.

I was told by a colleague that just such a situation had occurred with this person for the second time, so I had to address it more firmly.  I had spoken to this individual about the behavior when it happened a couple weeks ago, so I was a bit perplexed as to why it was happening again.

I was proud of myself for handling it the way I did.  I was direct and firm while maintaining my integrity, and allowing him to maintain his dignity in spite of being out of line.  His contrite response gave me the impression I had handled it well.

The reason I would be grateful for such a situation isn’t so that I can be in control or have power; I am glad it happened because historically I have not been very good at asserting myself.  I am sometimes too concerned about accommodating the feelings of the other person to be as firm as I need to be.  This time, I chose my words and suggestions carefully without cutting myself off at the knees, and was very happy with the way things turned out.

Maybe I am getting better at this after all.

A Year of Gratitude - Day One Hundred Sixty-eight

Day 168 - Opportunities for Self Reflection

There are moments in my life when I suddenly put the puzzle pieces together, and understand why I do the things I do.  Sometimes.

Self reflection isn’t always easy.  I often find myself - like most people, I think - too far into the trees to see the forest.  I am not always able to understand in the moment the motivations behind my reactions, or to recognize the triggers for what they are before I react.  So when I realize I’m behaving in a way I would like to avoid, I have to mentally stop, take a big step back, and see what has led me to the spot where I stand.

Sometimes I witness the same (or similar) behavior in others and can more easily see the triggers and surmise the motivations.  It is so much easier when it’s someone else I’m observing.  

I am reminded of the story my mom tells about how my twin brother and I learned to walk as toddlers: Keith would pull himself up and fall down, over and over again, and I would watch him; when he got the hang of it, I stood up and walked.

I am grateful for those moments when someone else’s behavior instructs me on my own - I recognize it, and can practice in my head how I can behave in the future.  I strive for self-improvement, and since I’m far from exemplary, I am glad these moments come quietly.  Most of the time.

A Year of Gratitude - Day One Hundred Sixty-seven

Day 167 - Trusted Friends

I had a relaxing opportunity to sit down with a couple of trusted friends today, just to talk over a cup of tea.  One is the “oldest” friend I have - a friendship of 33 years (though I suppose I should mention that he is two days younger than I) - and the other is his partner.  We haven’t had a chance to catch up in any depth for awhile, and it was nice to be able to talk about anything and everything without having to put up any facades or choose words.  It is something I have always appreciated about my friendship with him - we can (and do) talk about everything.

I have often heard about people who have very few close friends, and thought about my own relationships.  I am lucky to have a number of good friends, most of whom I trust to some degree, and some who invite me to join them for happy hour and social gatherings.  But when it comes to people I could call at any hour of the night with any emergency, I could count the number on one hand and have a finger or two left over.

I feel fortunate to have these friends.  Ultimately, quantity is easily outweighed by quality.  To have a friend I can trust on this level is a blessing.  It is a relationship I do not take for granted, and try to nurture as best I can.

A Year of Gratitude - Day One Hundred Sixty-six

Day 166 - Traction

I received an unexpected phone call today from the Director of Human Resources at the Edgewater Hotel in Seattle about the resume I had sent to their Director of Sales regarding the open Director of Catering position.  The DOS asked the DHR to interview me next week when I’m in town interviewing at the Embassy Suites, since she (the DOS) will be out of town on business; so we scheduled an afternoon appointment on Thursday.

There is a part of me that is excited about this position.  First, it is a waterfront hotel, and I have worked at two waterfront properties in California.  They can be an easy sell.  Secondly, it’s downtown, where I would prefer to work - using public transportation is my goal so I can avoid a commute in my car (I’m tired of driving in traffic), and it is more prevalent downtown - and the hotel is relatively close to the neighborhoods I would like to consider living in (I'd love to walk to work, but that neighborhood is likely to be very expensive).  And there are other conveniences based on its location and unique qualities that make me feel I could do a good job.  I try not to think about the downsides.

It is interesting to me how the two interviews I’ve been able to set up in fairly short order are for jobs about which I have some strong reservations - it’s not that I don’t want a job (quite the contrary), but rather that these are for duties I do not enjoy.  Yes, it’s possible the pay might be good, and the “better” opportunities might be there in time, but can I be happy in a job I dislike?  More importantly, what am I supposed to learn from this, assuming it is some sort of lesson?  Is there a reason beyond the economy why I have been able to schedule two interviews in Seattle in one month's effort while needing six months to get one interview in Portland?

Two weeks ago (Day 150), I mentioned that I hoped to get some traction from my networking in Seattle.  Here we go!  I am assuming the universe is trying to tell me something, and I want to allow the good to come. Naturally, I can't say whether I'll get either job; nevertheless, I focus on the aspects of these opportunities that make me feel good - the chance to live independently again primary among them.  My friend-and-mentor, Cleon, has suggested I go into business for myself - a prospect that I think will be somewhat easier if income is not an issue - and wonder if there is some opportunity elsewhere that I’m not noticing.  I don’t know, so I move toward what feels good, and hope for the best.

I haven’t had the chance to network much into the training field in Seattle (my friend Dana’s suggestion that there isn’t much opportunity in Portland appears to be true), so I have no idea what kind of traction will develop until I meet some colleagues there (which will happen mid-December when I will attend three events within two days).  Hopefully something will come of that, too.  My emotions are on slippery territory, so I will take this one step at a time.  

Traction is good.

A Year of Gratitude - Day One Hundred Sixty-five

Day 165 - Thanksgiving

Mom said this was the first Thanksgiving that she did not prepare a feast in 56 years.  I had put out an open invitation to a number of friends to come to our place for the holiday, but all of them already had other plans.  Then Paul, my best friend from high school, invited us to his house instead.  He and his partner would be roasting the turkey they had raised, and we agreed to bring a couple dishes.  As the day approached, he ended up inviting seven others to the celebration.  We had a wonderful time.

And I ate far more than I should have.

I met an astrologist at Paul’s who suddenly told me that next year was going to be particularly good for me.  I hope she is psychic, too.

I was particularly grateful for Paul’s invitation.  I was afraid this would be a disappointing holiday.  I am lucky to have such a friend as Paul.  

I am also lucky to have such a mom.  She is an amazing support to me, and although my situation makes it difficult sometimes to show just how grateful I am, I hope she knows.  I do try to say so, and to show it.


I am grateful to Cleon, Jake, Seth, and all the other networkers in my social circles.  Without them, I would never have survived the last ten months.

I am also grateful to my friends Alix and Amy, for their support in my networking in Seattle.  I have regained a sense of excitement, and they made my efforts so much easier by providing their assistance.  Then there is my friend Denny, who offers me a sense of calm.  Blaine and Dan, Scott and Harold, Randy and Wade and Thom, Ken, and all the Boys, bring a smile to my face just thinking about them....  I could list so many people here, and I’m sure I’d leave too many out by mistake, but I am grateful to you all.

Finally, I am grateful to Ignacio, who has brought a bright light into my world.  I don’t think it has been nearly as dark here since we finally met in person two months ago (after corresponding for how many years?), and I’m looking forward to a few more walks.


Happy Thanksgiving to all.

A Year of Gratitude - Day One Hundred Sixty-four

Day 164 - Tea Lights

I had three meetings today.  The first was by phone with my daughter’s school Family Liaison to discuss Catherine’s upcoming graduation from high school.  Then the Portland Leadership Forum Planning Committee gathered at a diner to discuss our upcoming meeting and next year’s plans.  The third was a networking coffee meeting with a colleague I met at the HR Lunch Bunch a few weeks ago.  In all, not much is really cooking, but the pot is on the stove.

Shortly after I got home, I received an unexpected phone call from a hotel in Seattle; my friend Alix had told me of an opening for a Director of Catering, and the call was in reference to my application.  (While I am not terribly interested in the job, I need full time work and didn’t want to pass up an opportunity that was offered without looking into it.)  To make a long story short, it turns out the Director of Sales, to whom this position reports, is a guy I used to work with several years ago when we both worked for Coast Hotels.  I was surprised and pleased to get reconnected with him, and we agreed that I would drive up to Seattle next week to interview.  He will put me up in his hotel the night before, and we’ll talk (presumably) in the morning.

I was so surprised by the smallness of our world.  I have my hesitations about getting back into hospitality, but this could also get me a few steps closer to my goals.  I can’t be sure where this path will lead, but I’ll never know if I don’t take it.

At the end of the day (literally), it comes down to something putting a little heat under me to move.  No one lit a fire - it is rather like a tea light - a small flame to keep the cup warm.  It’s what I needed to feel like my life is moving forward, and not stagnating where it is.  I’m happy for that.

A Year of Gratitude - Day One Hundred Sixty-three

Day 163 - Small Successes

Sometimes the little wins are sweet enough.

The day started with a meeting of The Breakfast Club of Portland job seeker’s group, and I was pleased to see most of our participants returning, along with two new attendees.  We were able to review the returning members’ goals from the last meeting and celebrate their successes, as well as support everyone’s goals for the next two weeks.  I felt the meeting was productive and positive.

Then I gave a free coaching session to a job seeker from the Breakfast Club.  She is a smart woman and I think very aware of the path she wants to be on.  Unfortunately she is in a job she isn't enjoying, having tried a job for all the right reasons, but discovering, after working in it for awhile, that it isn't a good fit.  She wants to get out of it and back into something she can enjoy.  We talked about a variety of industries, including hospitality, that she thought might be interesting.  As we talked, though, it became clear she was passionate and enthusiastic about only one.  By the end of the conversation, she knew what she was going to do.  She isn't desperate - she is still employed - but she needed some help in getting to a point of clarity.  I think we got there.

From there, I went to the glass school to try my hand again at making glass drops.  Judy had given me a good idea of what I had been doing wrong last Saturday, so I was eager to practice.  Sure enough, the drops went together very well - they’re not perfect yet (and one of them caught an air bubble as I made it, so I wasn’t surprised when it cracked as it cooled; I will fix it next time), but I was pleased with the six that turned out.  I am looking forward to making more.

The work day finished with a coaching session with the married couple.  Karin brought her resume that she revised per our conversation yesterday.  Frank didn’t bring his, so as to allow us to focus on Karin’s - she has a deadline to meet for a job application at the end of the week.  As we discussed how to quantify results in a resume, it all started to click for Frank, who clearly was now able to help Karin as she works on it from here.  We made a lot of notes on her draft resume, and I felt made significant progress.  I am looking forward to seeing the end result.  I was also delighted to receive payment.

I am grateful for the small successes that came today.  I may not say “less is more” yet, but small is big these days.