A Year of Gratitude - Day One Hundred Thirty-nine

Day 139 - Supporting Supportive Friends

I had a new experience today - a dear friend became a client.

Randy is up for an important job interview next week, so he asked me to sit with him and take him through my Interviewing Skills Coaching program.  We didn’t do the whole thing - the first third wasn’t relevant to his needs, and it made more sense to cover the topics that would help him prepare.  He insisted on paying me, even though I told him I’d do this for free for such a close friend.  So I explained to him what the normal fee would have been, and left it up to him how much he'd like to pay knowing that I wouldn’t charge him at all.  He paid me 75%, which I felt was very generous.

I thought later how wonderful it is to have the support of my friends, and how wonderful it is that I can reciprocate with something of value.  I really hope he gets this job - he deserves it - and it would make me feel like I can help my friends as much as they help me.

A Year of Gratitude - Day One Hundred Thirty-eight

Day 138 - Hallowe’en Pumpkins

Blaine threw another party today, and I try not to miss any of his parties to which I am invited.  Blaine is the ultimate host - the food is always good, the guests are always fun, and there are always activities of some kind.  Since he is one of the most fun people in the world, it’s impossible not to have a great time.  Dan has told me how he can’t imagine life without Blaine, and I certainly understand why.

Today was a pre-Hallowe’en pumpkin carving party.  I hadn’t planned to have a Jack O’Lantern this year (in fact, I don’t remember the last time I had one), but when the invitation came, I thought I’d better start planning.

Naturally, I planned what I’d do as I drove to the store, which was the stop I made on the way to the party.  I had two ideas: Cinderella’s Coach or a house (as I have made in the past).  I found a sufficiently round pumpkin, so I went with the coach.  I am SO glad Blaine is an artist, because I had to ask him for supplies I hadn’t thought about.  Of course he had them.

I was pleased with the way the coach turned out, even if it didn’t look as professional as all the pumpkins that had been carved using stencils - for something done on the fly, I was happy with it.

The food was great, the guests - and hosts - were fun, and I had a blast.  I’m grateful for any holiday where friends gather and celebrate the season, the fun, and each other.  

A Year of Gratitude - Day One Hundred Thirty-seven

Day 137 - Authenticity

I met two people today who turned out to be total opposites.

I met “Nathan” in the morning; he is a handsome man in his 40’s, in decent shape, personable and engaging, and in a long term relationship.  He is easy to talk to, and willing to share information about himself without shame or pretense.  He mentioned to me, in the context of our conversation, that his partner and he were living separate lives, but still shared meals, household duties, travel, and other domestic activities.  They just didn’t share a bedroom anymore.

In the evening, I met “Rob” at a party.  He was a relatively handsome man in his 40’s (I think).  He clearly didn’t take very good care of himself.  He appeared shy, and although he had a quick and pleasant smile, conversation seemed difficult for him.  He seemed uneasy the whole time, and I felt as if I were some kind of archeologist or anthropologist trying to figure out his story with only fragments of information that had to be carefully uncovered and extracted.  

I had assumed the man who accompanied Rob was his partner; when I asked, they both laughed, and explained only that Rob was the other man’s client.  No further elucidation was offered as to why they came together or the humor in my mistake.  

The other man seemed bored throughout the evening, making no obvious attempt at engaging with anyone in the room; he apparently sent out a distress signal after about an hour (in the form of a text message) to a friend to come rescue him from the soirée.  

Rob barely said three words except in response to questions; it was shortly before I left that I discovered that he was married to a woman.  (OK, so now I understand why they laughed when I asked if they were a couple.)

I do not believe Rob is straight - he was pinging my gaydar all evening.  There he was, in a room full of gay men, accompanied by a gay man... and I am reminded of myself twenty years ago, trying desperately to appear straight.  Trying to BE straight.  In retrospect, it made perfect sense that he would be uncomfortable and shy in this environment - people might be making assumptions about him that might be true but which seemed to make him squirm.  He stayed quiet and motionless, as if to blend into the furniture and go unnoticed.

I later thought about the contrast between Nathan and Rob.  I thought about my own assumptions, and tried to give everyone the benefit of the doubt.  I replayed their respective behavior in my head and realized that as Nathan genuinely presented his reality, he was fun and easy to talk to.  The conversation was enjoyable, and there were no apparent agendas.  The power of authenticity made an enormous difference in the experiences.

It was an interesting lesson to watch, and I'm grateful to have had such an experience to reinforce in me the value of authenticity.

A Year of Gratitude - Day One Hundred Thirty-six

Day 136 - Healing

Nature is amazing; it takes care of us in so many ways (and the least we can do is return the favor... but I am not going to speak politically today).  I am amazed at how the healing process goes on without our attention to it - it keeps going, cell by cell, restoring what was damaged.  Persistent.  Constant.

I am lucky that my thumb has done so well.  I am fortunate that my immune system is intact; that my ability to heal is not compromised, that my shoulder where the tetanus shot was administered last week has finally stopped hurting.  The cap of skin that I almost totally removed from the end of my thumb was no longer necessary, and my body let it go.  Now I don’t have to wear a bandage anymore.  It’s a fascinating process.

I am also healing emotionally from wounds sustained in 2010.  I have found myself ready to move on - slowly, carefully, but steadily.  I have made some good connections lately that are helping with that a lot.

Nature is taking care of me.

A Year of Gratitude - Day One Hundred Thirty-five

Day 135 -  New Responsibilities

Today was my first day as moderator of a job seekers networking group.  The Breakfast Club is different from other groups because the participants make a commitment to the actions they’ll take toward their job search at each meeting.  I want to establish a safe environment - one where participants are making the commitment to themselves, not to the others in the room, and are safe to choose a lot of activity or a little - and to be accountable to themselves for the speed of their progress.  

I had several people there to support the participants, which supported me as well.  Cleon, someone I consider a mentor as well as friend and colleague, sent me a message later saying, “You done good.”  I remember my dad saying that to me from time to time.  It was particularly gratifying to read that.

I also “interviewed” a job seeker for membership in another group I participate with - the Beers Network (executive job seekers).  I was honored to be asked to involve myself in the process, and look forward to more of these opportunities.

And I met with another group moderator for an introductory chat.  I feel very fortunate to have all this activity in my life, and for the responsibilities that are now on my shoulders; they continue to give me purpose to my days, even if they do not bring a direct income.  I feel as if this is an educational experience that will likely serve me well into the future.

A Year of Gratitude - Day One Hundred Thirty-four

Day 134 - Trustworthy Mechanics

I swear I have the word “Sucker” tattooed on my forehead in some kind of special invisible ink that only automotive sales and service people can see.  I don’t know, but somehow they can always tell I’m clueless long before I introduce myself.

I know I’ve been taken advantage of many times by them, but I live in a place where cars are a necessity.  The public transportation in my area is limited to the point where I could not accomplish what I need to do if I were without my car.  Plus I need a convertible to keep my sanity (see Day Six of this blog).

So I am grateful to find an auto service that is trustworthy.  In Tigard, there is Henderson Auto.  It’s the only place in Portland I take my car for repairs.  They are honest, fair, and the prices are reasonable.  I may be able to find a cheaper place, but I doubt I could find anyone I would trust more.  That peace of mind is worth the extra dollars.  I’m sure they know this.  (Now, how do I afford the new battery, brakes and transmission flush they are suggesting...?)

So thank you Brian, and everyone at Henderson Auto, for your integrity.  I will keep coming back as long as I’m living in this part of the world.  

A Year of Gratitude - Day One Hundred Thirty-three

Day 133 - Laundry

Sunday is my laundry day.  Until I went to college, my mom did my laundry most of the time.  She taught my brothers and me how to do it properly, and we occasionally did our own, but most of the time we simply took the laundry to the service porch or put it in the washer when Mom told us she was doing a load of whites, light colors, or dark.  

When I went to college, I did my own laundry, of course.  I remember inadvertently leaving something red in with the white wash, and a striped cotton dress shirt I had sucked the bleeding dye up like a sponge.  It turned it an odd shade of pink, naturally, and I never wore it again - not because it was pink, but rather it seemed the pink-ness was accidental.  Which it was.  

I remember I had a brand new iron that was terribly heavy and old fashioned, but it was similar to the iron I had grown up with.  It felt familiar.  Unfortunately, I left it in the laundry room at the dorms one day, and when I retrieved it hours later, I found someone had dropped it, and it was broken (though still usable).  

At that time, laundry was just a chore you had to do.  Now, I love it.

There is something about fresh clothes, sheets, towels, that make me feel as if I’ve accomplished something.  There is a luxury about the warmth of fabrics fresh from the dryer.  There is a satisfaction that comes with the knowledge that I actually have clothes to wash - something so many people don’t have - and I feel very fortunate.

I look forward to laundry day, and to the moment when it is all clean and put away.  My wardrobe is never as full as when I have finished the laundry.  I always feel pretty lucky.